Choose Joy

Seeking Jesus in this crazy journey

Sustaining Grace

Yesterday we went to our doctor appointments and found out that the biopsy showed up some metastatic cancer cells. We went in hoping that we would get some good news… or even medium news… but…

So what’s next? I need to wait for some of the last lung cultures to grow, meet with my plastic surgeon, and get a new CT scan. Then I will meet with my oncologist and decide a plan of action. Both options at this point include chemo. Both options suck for different reasons. You can pray for wisdom for us to make the right decision.

I wish there was an easy answer to the question of “how are you doing”.

I read a timely article today. (…/when-god-does-the-miracle-we-d…) This is a little quote. “No was not the answer I wanted. I was looking for miraculous answers to prayer, a return to normalcy, relief from the pain. I wanted the kind of grace that would deliver me from my circumstances.”

I guess that’s where we’re at. For 3 years, we’ve boldly asked for healing, we’ve waited for the miracle, we’ve strived to be faithful throughout our hurt. We wanted deliverance! And we got another dose of cancer.

The article goes on to say “But as much as I long for deliverance, for delivering grace, I see the exquisite blessing in sustaining grace. It’s not about getting what I want; it’s about God giving me what I desperately need: himself.”

I can’t say I’m there yet. Right now I’m sad. And mad. And asking God why us, why now, why again. But I want to get there. I want to trust in thatsustaining grace to get us through these next weeks, and months, and hopefully years. We want our faith to grow; we want our love to grow; we want to have that inexplicable joy that is rooted in Christ and not in our circumstances.

You can pray for those things. We trust in a great God. He can fill us with a peace that is beyond all understanding. He can also take away all cancer – from my lungs, and from my bones. We are asking boldly that the CT scan would come back clear and we would be able to testify to a great God who is more than capable of healing.

So what can you do for us right now? Sometimes we want to talk about it and you can ask us questions and cry with us. Sometimes we want to pretend everything is normal and laugh and eat ice cream. There will be days when we may need a babysitter or a meal. We want to be real with you. We are blessed to be in this community. You can lift up our hands when we can’t. You can remind us that our great God is worthy of praise – not because of what he does for us, but because of who he is.

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