Choose Joy

Seeking Jesus in this crazy journey

What you should know about my husband

It’s Thursday night and I’m laying in bed, half asleep, waiting for him to get home from hockey. I probably won’t fall asleep without him, but I will be too tired to talk when he gets in; I’ve kind of always been like that.

But I know after he gets in and gets himself ready, he’ll check on the kids and re-tuck them all in. He’ll tidy up the mess left in our kitchen after I ran out of energy, or put away the rest of the clothes piled on the bed that I gave up on half way through. Then he’ll warm up my heat packs and fill my water bottle and plug in my phone. Eventually he’ll crawl into bed and rub my back and we’ll fall asleep. I always want it to be me who falls asleep first, but often it’s him – and I’ll nudge him every 15 seconds to remind him he’s breathing a bit too loud.

Stay at home moms get a lot of cred – and I still kind of want some of it, at least – because it is a legit hard job. And there are a thousand blogs detailing how busy it can be and all the hats we wear.

But this husband of mine, he carries more than his ‘fair share’ of the load. I sleep in every Saturday and the kids have a “daddy day” where they get to do something fun together. And by fun, I mean they go to Home Depot. But I sleep in and shower and recharge.

More often than not, he comes home from work and plays with the kids, helps with supper and clean up, and then champions bedtime routine. He’s got no problem putting all 4 to bed if I’m sleeping or have plans to be out.

On top of *all of that* he plays the role of home care nurse quite well. He keeps track of my meds better than I do at times. He knows the difference between zofran and zopicolne. He can do a stellar bandage dressing change. Soon enough, he’ll be giving me my injections.

So he’s pretty much a superstar and and I don’t say thank you enough.

Being the husband of a girl with cancer is hard work. And he does the work well.

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Life on repeat

It is like our life over the last year is playing on a loop.

The cancer has changed. Start a new treatment. Struggle with the side effects; figure out our supports; get in a groove. Do a scan. The cancer has changed.

4 different “plans of action” that have lasted a few months each over the last year a bit.

A fairly steady stream of bad news. An extremely exhausting process of sorting out how this will look in our day-to-day. And a lot of emotions that come with my treatments and my body failing me.

And, yet, we serve a God who is not failing us. There is there something that I cannot put into words. Psalm 73:26 says “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” We get the privilege of EXPERIENCING that. It is not a random verse; it is our truth. It is something we KNOW because when all our circumstances give us reason to be bitter, our hearts feel strengthened and at peace. That is some Jesus-level sustenance, right there.

All of that said, we are disappointed. Every time we are optimistic that this one could be “the one” (like a cinderella-story for cancer!) and when it’s not, that is a bit crushing. So right now, we are processing and planning and moving forward, hoping that this loop is a bit longer than the last. 🙂

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